By MMW
Meredith blinked owlishly at the desk as she waited for the printer to print out her latest poem. It wasn't that she minded coming up with poems or writing them; she could just do without waking up at 4:30 in the morning with a poem demanding to be written. Of course, she had to be up at five anyway, so she supposed in the long run it really didn't matter.
Grabbing her creation off the printer she opened a drawer and pulled the manila folder in which she was storing this year's poems out. Flipping through the poems she stopped at a poem she had written the day she'd heard Vin inform Desiree that they were just friends. That had been, what five almost six months ago. In that time she and Desiree had become friends and Vin and Desiree, if you were to listen to them, were nothing more than friends who dated casually and nothing more. She wanted to believe that, but almost everyone kept telling her how happy they were, what a good couple. So, she had hidden her own feelings and now, after so many months, she found it easier to deny them, not think about them, lie to herself and everyone else about them. After all, they only surfaced anymore in her dreams and her poetry.
Releasing a sigh, she pulled out that poem, remembering the disappointment she was feeling at the time. She winced slightly at it, knowing it wasn't one of her better efforts, but in it's own way it was honest. The weekend before Desiree and Vin started going out, she and Vin had gone hiking in the backcountry. JD, Casey and Megan were supposed to come along, but the had all cancelled. Casey had a paper due, JD wanted to go to a computer fair and Megan had been roped into helping a friend move. So, she and Vin had set off and met with minor disasters and fun.
Wondering if the poem sounded any better so many months later, Meredith cleared her throat, turned to face her cat who was currently cleaning her forepaws and began reading aloud.
"Almost"
I lie awake each night
Each minute I think of you
Of our time up in the woodlands
And of your smile so blue
I asked you "What's the matter?"
As my heart sought out yours
"Nothing" came your brief reply
Though need from your eyes did pour
I cherished every moment
E'en when we fell in the lake
And water dripped from you green t-shirt
As your laugh my heart did take
I spilled my tea upon your hand
Something I can't quietly regret
For the touch of your palm upon mine
Sears me to the core even yet
My soul you claimed a moment later
When your feelings I divined
By reading the deep pools of your soul
Warmed by the moonlight in your eyes
I long to taste your sweet lips
Which tempt as do succulent raisins
I yearn to be embraced by your strong arms
And find in them my haven
Yet there exists twixt thee and me
A gap I can not cross
For to you I am no more than a friend
And I silently weep each night for my loss.
Meredith fell silent after reading the last line. Yep, the pain was still there, the loss. With a sigh, she was about to put the poem back, still convinced it wasn't all that good and wondering why she didn't just destroy it, when her cat jumped on her lap causing her poems to go flying. Laughing, she picked up her cat and started petting her while she tried to gather all her papers together.
She'd just moved her cat to the nearby couch when she heard a knock at the door. Glancing at the clock, she gasped, it was later than she thought. That was probably Desiree. The two were going to the airport together since Desiree was flying home and Meredith's was to spend a week at a conference.
Rising and opening the door, she welcomed Desiree to her house and indicated she should make herself comfortable. Going back to the mess of papers, Meredith quickly gathered them and returned her folder to her drawer, thinking she would straighten them t later.
Racing down to her room, she quickly changed, grabbed her bags and headed back toward the waiting Desiree. As she entered the room, she noticed Desiree bending down to pick up a paper. Knowing it must be one of her poems and feeling her cheeks color at the though of anyone else reading them, she walked over, gently took the paper from Desiree's hand, thanked her for finding it and then shoved it under a stack of folders that were laying on top of the desk.
"Ready?" Desiree asked with a smile.
"As I'll ever be," Meredith replied, heading out and locking the door behind her. She wasn't too concerned because JD would be house and cat sitting for her while she was away.
<><><><><><><>"JD, will ya hurry up!" Vin called impatiently. They were supposed to be meeting the others, but JD was running late. Vin had arrived at Meredith's at the same time JD had returned there. The two of them would be riding out to Chris' ranch together since JD only had his motorcycle and it happened to be raining. Buck probably could have picked JD up just as easily, but Vin had missed Meredith. He had thought he might be able to begin breaking down some of the walls he had sensed between them. He knew Meredith had built some walls, but, being honest, so had he. He should have just broken things off with Desiree at the beginning and followed through with his intention to talk with Meredith, but Desiree was fun and his feelings for Meredith, quite frankly, terrified him.
He sighed and settled into the desk chair, turning it from side to side. He loved Meredith. Oh, he denied it, avoided it and hid from it, but sitting here, in her house, he couldn't deny the ache in his soul that only seemed to go away when she was around. But what if she didn't feel the same? What if he told her how he felt and she walked away? He could lose her friendship, his connection to her.
Still, after dating Desiree for so long, he knew he had to risk everything to find out how she felt. He had caught himself calling Desiree by Meredith's name several times. He wouldn't do that to another woman. Desiree had laughed and said she hadn't paid attention, but Vin knew she was trying to make him feel better. There were just so many questions and doubts he had about taking this chance. If he just had some sort of sign that she would return his feelings.
He released a sigh and reached for the cat. He smiled as the small feline began to purr instantly for him. Meredith always complained her cat would purr for anyone and everyone except for her. He had tried to convince her it wasn't true, but after all this time, Vin found he had to agree that, in fact, the cat would not purr for Meredith, but would for anyone and everyone else.
A loud noise sounded down the hall followed by a string of curses from JD. At the initial noise, Laurel, the cat, had jumped from Vin's lap and landed awkwardly on a stack of file folders and papers, scattering them everywhere across the floor. Releasing a short curse of his own, he stood and called out, "You OK JD?"
"Yeah, fine," came the shouted reply.
Shaking his head, Vin walked back into the room and began picking up the mess of papers lying on the floor. He knew he would never be able to get them all back into their proper folders, so he just started gathering all of them together. Straightening the stack of folders and papers, Vin placed them on the table and took a look around for any more.
Spotting a few he had missed on his first sweep, he got down on his knees to crawl under the desk and pick them up. Scooting back out from under the desk, he set those papers on the top of the stack and paused as he heard the sound of crumpling paper. Looking around the side of the desk, he spotted Laurel batting at a paper which was now mostly crumpled and half-hidden under the nearby couch. "No!" Vin called firmly.
Looking at him with something that looked suspiciously like contempt, Laurel went back to batting at the paper.
Vin shook his head. Meredith's cat was a mystery to him. She wouldn't purr for Meredith, yet obeyed every one of Meredith's commands. She would purr for everyone else, yet not obey them. Moving over to the cat, he shooed her away and reached for the now crumpled paper.
He pulled it out and glanced at the bit of writing he could see. "Almost," he read aloud. From the two short lines underneath, it looked like a poem.
He paused and deliberated with himself for a few moments. He knew how personal Meredith felt her poetry to be and that she didn't let many read it. But he also remembered all the poems they had shared with each other. He missed that. He missed sharing those brief glimpses into her soul and letting her see into his. A wry smile crossed his face as he thought of some of his more recent poems. Those he might not share with her depending upon how she reacted when he finally told her how he feels.
Vin was just about to straighten out the paper and read some of it when JD's voice sounded behind him.
"You ready to go?" the computer expert asked.
Vin turned and stood. "Sure," he replied, unconsciously shoving the paper in his jacket pocket as the two headed out.
