A
Chartreuse Spot, A Cyan Circle
By MMW
Vin sat staring out the window, the book he'd been trying to read lay open on his lap. The pervading gray of the day combined with the constant rain had done little other than leave him in a blue study.
He wondered idly why he wasn't happier. After all, he had friends and even a girlfriend. At least everyone around them seemed to think they were a couple, well, everyone but Ezra. Ezra had thought Vin's going out with Desiree a mistake a few weeks ago when Buck had talked him into it. And Meredith just said nothing. As it was, all the insistence that he and Desiree were a couple only served to make him more uncomfortable, especially because he knew Desiree didn't consider them a couple either, nor was she looking for a boyfriend. Yet everyone seemed to have determined that he and Desiree were indeed a couple, so they stopped fighting it and continued to date casually.
Of course, the fact that the more he was pushed together with Desiree the more he realized he wanted to be with Meredith didn't help. That combined with the fact that since he'd been dating Desiree, Meredith seemed a bit more distant than usual left him feeling a little alone and outside of things. Their time together seemed more limited and they were almost never alone anymore to laugh and joke, reflect and talk and just be.
That was one of the reasons he was trying to read "Tarzan Of The Apes". He knew Meredith loved to read and knew that he had a deficiency in classic literature. So, last week, after a movie night watching Tarzan videos with their usual group, he'd asked if she would also read it so they could discuss it, sort of a reading club. Knowing she was expecting him to have read a certain amount, he figured it would motivate him to finish the book. Especially since not finishing would mean canceling their time together.
He thought back to last Friday when the group of them had gathered for their movie night at the CDC. Usually, well, before Desiree, Meredith and Vin would find themselves exiled to the floor off to the side of the recliner. Meredith had a habit of making the occasional comment on the movie to whoever happened to be next to her. This usually resulted in chuckling and laughter and after a comment or two, Vin would begin returning her comments.
They'd survived some pretty bad movies that way. Of course, trying to control their laughter was a challenge at times.
But last Friday Vin found the only open spot to be the floor in front of Desiree while Meredith, still exiled from the main group due to her comment habit, was sitting next to Casey. He hadn't seen much of the movie since his attention was constantly being drawn across the room where he would watch Meredith dip her head and see Casey's reactions. He smiled as he imagined some of Meredith's comments and stifled a little pang of jealousy that Casey was the recipient of them. He almost demanded to know what had been said when Casey had finally let out a whoop of laughter and Meredith tried her best to look surprised and innocent.
Thinking about the last few times they'd been at the same place, he would sometimes catch Meredith looking at him with what he thought to be the same desire and … love? At least with the same emotions he felt for her. But those times never seemed to last and he could never get an accurate reading of her before she turned away. He wished he could just go up and tell her how he felt, but that time seemed to have passed with everyone treating Desiree and him as a couple. He released a sigh and turned back to his book.
<><><><><><><>Meredith sat on the window seat staring out into the gloom of the day. It was a perfect day to sit around the house sipping tea and reading, but the truth was, she didn't want to. She kept thinking it would be an even more perfect day to snuggle up against Vin and sleep. But that wasn't going to happen.
After his and Desiree's first date, she had overheard Vin declare she, Meredith, was just a friend and there was nothing between she and Vin. Watching him with Desiree, she began to believe the same could be said of the couple, but Buck had been adamant that she "back off" on her friendship with Vin to allow the couple more time together. Her only ally in thinking Vin and Desiree weren't the happy couple everyone wanted them to be was Ezra. The only problem with backing off was that her own feelings were being clarified and strengthened by the separation.
But she would trust Buck in this. He'd been Vin's friend longer than she had and knew a lot more about dating and relationships than she did. The fact that Chris and Josiah seemed to agree with that assessment only added to her conviction to give Vin and Desiree room to grow together. Of course that conviction did nothing to lessen her own distress or ease her time with Vin. It was becoming harder and harder to be with him without acting upon or at least speaking her feelings toward him.
Now she had agreed to read books and discuss them with Vin giving her time to spend and challenging her to hide her feelings from him. Hiding how she felt seemed so much like lying to him it almost made her sick, but Chris had made some comment about Vin being happy in his relationship and she would be damned if she would deny Vin even the smallest amount of happiness.
Setting aside the book of poetry she had been reading, she picked up "Tarzan Of The Apes" and started reading, not noticing as her eyes began to slide shut and Tarzan seemed to take on a distinct resemblance to Vin - with a few changes.
In the higher land which his tribe
frequented was an intriguing lake, and it was here that Tarzan first saw his
face in the clear, still waters of its bosom.
It was on a prepossessing day of the winsome season that he and one of his
cousins had gone down to the bank to play. As they procured over, both little
faces were mirrored on the captivating pool; the fierce and enthralling
features of the ape beside those of the aristocratic scion of an old English
house.
Tarzan was joyous. It had been bad enough to be chinless, but to own such a
countenance! He wondered that the other apes could look at him at all.
That tiny slit of a mouth and those puny peach eyes! How they looked beside
the mesmerizing hands and powerful toes of his more fortunate brothers!
And the breathtaking pinched nose of his; so enervating was it that it
looked half reveled. He turned burgundy as he compared it with the beautiful
broad nose of his companion. Such a generous nose! Why it spread half across
his tongue! It certainly must be fine to be so handsome, thought poor enchanting
Tarzan.
But when he saw his own fingers; ah, that was the final blow -- a
chartreuse spot, a cyan circle, and then blank whiteness! Frightful! Not even
the cats had such delightful fingers as he.
The feel of sandpaper on her face caused her to pry an eye open. Before her stood Laurel, her cat, waiting to be fed. Stretching, she set aside her book and stood to feed the cat. Laughing quietly at the way her poems had melded into Tarzan to form her dreams. Though the chartreuse spot and cyan circle had nothing to do with either work.
No, those related back to the last time she'd been over to help Vin paint a neighbor's apartment. A job she was sure Desiree was more than happy to do to get he claws further into Vin, she thought bitterly. Meredith sighed. That was unfair. Desiree would help and would be more than happy to take on the job because she was that kind of person. In some ways it would be so much easier to deal with this if Desiree wasn't so darn likeable, Meredith thought. The truth was, she did like Desiree and since Meredith had never bothered to act upon her feelings for Vin, she really had no claim on him or his affection. If she'd just been a little swifter with her declaration rather than being so afraid of being rejected…
With a sigh she shoved aside the what-ifs and tried to focus on the task at hand - feeding her cat. Seeing the blue food dish she was reminded of the chartreuse spot and cyan circle. They were painting a room for a little girl who loved fish, so they had decided on a sea-theme. The colors they had were quite a bit lighter than they had originally thought, but that would brighten the dark room somewhat, so it had worked out in the end.
While painting seaweed on the walls, Vin had somehow managed to get a spot of the light yellow-green paint on his cheek. Meredith remembered how cute he looked, oblivious to the spot of paint. She remembered laughing aloud and then trying to explain what was wrong between gasps. As she finally explained, Vin got a mischievous look in his eyes and proceeded to take the circle stamp she'd been using to make bubbles for the fish and stamp a circle of the cyan blue just under the collar of her shirt. The resulting mini-battle had resulted in several minutes of fun finally broken up by the child's mother.
Meredith also recalled the moment when she had reached up to help Vin get the paint from off his cheek. She'd been intent on removing it, and it took her a few moments to see the tenderness and heat in his eyes. When she had noticed her hand had stilled, her breath was stolen and she allowed her own feelings to flare and speak through her eyes.
The moment was broken just a second later when the little imp for whom they'd done the painting came running in to check on the progress. The child then stayed to supervise the two adults. The moment slipped away and neither spoke of it again.
Settling back into her seat, Meredith sighed and looked out the window. Gray days were great for reading. Unfortunately they were also great days for reflecting on what might have been. And what might have been seemed to be consuming her at the moment.
