By MMW
Meredith
stood, leaning against the railing watching the racing waters as each drop
battled to be the first through the channel and over the falls. A sigh escaped
her. She hadn't felt like this in a long time - had hoped she'd never feel this
way again.
Her eyes closed
against the emotional pain which threatened to overwhelm her. Why had she let
herself feel again? Why had she opened herself to such hurt? What had she been
thinking? Hadn't she been shown before that love wasn't for her? Hadn't she
held her shattered heart in her hands too many times? She should have known
better. Vin could never love her. She'd been a fool.
Still, it
wasn't the first time she'd humiliated herself, so she was fairly certain she'd
live. She wondered if he'd told the others about her folly and if they were
having a good laugh over it. She could feel the humiliation of having her
actions the source of office gossip and laughter burn her cheeks.
She opened
her eyes and frowned, anger at herself flaring briefly. That was uncharitable,
unfair and entirely wrong. Her friends would never talk about her like that.
How could she even think it? She knew they'd stop anyone else they overheard
from discussing it as well. She knew all she had to do was reach out and they
would be there for her to comfort her, offer a shoulder to cry on, stand by her
and protect her until she was strong enough to face the world again. Her
friends were her family, her sisters and brothers. Just because one part of her
world had crumbled to dust didn't mean her life was in ruins.
She had
good friends, a close family, a house, a career and not one but two jobs. She
had a company that sought her out and a boss that fought to keep her, letting
her know exactly how indispensable she was. How many people were offered the
opportunity she'd had laid out before her? How many people could claim that
success? Sure, she didn't have love and companionship. Sure she would never
have a husband or family, but did that really matter when her life was so full?
She was already more wealthy than Bill Gates - she had the love of friends and
family.
A soft sob
escaped her. Rationally, she knew she had a good life, but all the rational
arguments in the world couldn't take away the pain in her heart. She didn't
want to be alone. She didn't want to go through life not knowing the joy of
waking each morning next to the one she loved, of walking beside the other half
of her soul for all the days allotted to her, of meeting each challenge - each
opportunity - together, of holding her child in her arms, of watching the child
sleep, eat, grow, make mistakes and overcome them. She didn't want to awaken
every morning alone in her bed, walk through her empty house and make breakfast
for one. She didn't want to live in the silence which pervaded her life outside
of work. She didn't want to be alone.
For so
long she'd fought the idea of letting Vin know how she felt, all the while
unable to imagine the rest of her life without him - the rest of her life
waking up without him by her side, without him across the table, without his
tender caresses and teasing words, without his comforting presence, his laugh
that made her world right, his smile which chased everything bad from her
world...
She
sniffed and rubbed her cheeks as her tears betrayed her. Glancing from side to
side, she noted that no one appeared to have seen her weakness. Taking a deep,
shuddering breath, she held it for a moment and released it. She repeated the
gesture, ensuring her placid mask rested once more in place. The last thing she
wanted was for someone to see how vulnerable and hurt she was.
Looking
out across the panorama before her, she decided to think about something
better, something that didn't hurt so much. Allowing her mind free range, she
smiled slightly at the thought of Spokane.
About four
months ago she and her friends Emilie and Marian had been out having fun at a
local park. Emilie and Marian had decided to hike a trail while Meredith
decided to try taking a kayak down the river. She would meet them at the
landing there...
The
ride down the river was beautiful. A peace and joy at the wonder of nature
filled the young woman as she navigated the course which would lead her back to
her friends. Unable to suppress the smile her trip had given her, her grin only
broadened at the sight of Vin chatting with her friends as several of the older
teens from the youth center stood a little way away talking.
Pulling
her kayak up to the dock to return it, she stepped up onto the landing in time
to hear one of the boys say, "Hey! Did you know a boat launch is coming to
Spokane?"
"Spokane?"
another boy scoffed. "That's like a million miles from here, man. Besides,
who'd want to see some dumb old boat launch. We could see that here."
"Nah,"
the first boy denied. "Ain't like this type o' boat. I seen it once in one
of them old black and white news thingies. They have this big boat and a bottle
of wine or somethin' and smash the bottle on the boat..."
"That's
the stupidest thing I ever heard. First of all you mean Seattle that's on the
ocean, not Spokane that's like in the middle of nowhere. And ain't nothin'
stupider than smashing a bottle of wine..." the boy halted his retort when
he saw Meredith approaching.
Meredith
smiled and nodded well aware that they would watch their language as long as
she was around. Making her way over to Vin and her friends, she glanced in the
direction they were staring. She saw a boat rowing it's way around from the
bridge. She smiled as she recalled the first time she'd been walking this
trail. She'd been out with a cub-scout den and they had decided it was
"their" bridge.
As she
approached, she called out her greeting. Then, thinking of the news she'd heard
announced over the radio at the top of the course, she asked, "Did you
hear the big news for the zoo? They have a new elephant coming."
"No,
Meredith," said Emilie with a grin. "When is it arriving?"
Meredith
smiled. "In about 400 days. They just discovered that their female
elephant is pregnant." The foursome laughed a bit at the news.
Marian
and Vin sailed looks between them. A new baby elephant meant a trip to the zoo
for them. They'd have to put it on the calendar of trips for the following
year.
"Hey,
I heard some news too!" Marian chimed in. Waiting for the three adults to
turn their attention to her, she smiled and continued, "The Youth Center
is marching in the Memorial Day parade next year and guess who they want to
lead the way.
Meredith,
Vin and Emilie looked at each other clueless. They silently questioned each
other and none of them could come up with an answer.
Practically
bouncing in place with the news, Marian exclaimed, "They want you Vin!
Isn't that like totally turbulent?"
"Totally
turbulent?" laughed Meredith. "Where on Earth did you pick that
up?"
Marian
looked indignantly at her friend, though her eyes sparkled with humor,
"From my son, thank you very much." Meredith laughed and Emilie and
Vin just smiled.
"So
why do they want Vin?" Emilie asked.
Vin
gifted her with a wide grin, "Well," he began explaining, "I am
a celebrity of sorts among the current kids."
"Because
you canoed to our last outing and then took them tubing down the river,"
Meredith interjected, laughing as Vin made a face at her.
"Be
that as it may, it'll be fun and it's quite an honor," he finished,
watching as the women nodded their agreement. "Besides," he
continued, "I'll be getting free waves all day from everyone lining the
streets."
The
three ladies laughed at the perceived perk. Taking their leave and waving at Vin
and the boys, they continued to follow the path along the river.
As her
thoughts returned to the present, the smile her memory had brought began to
fade. She once more felt the pain begin to rise within her heart and soul. How long
would it be before she was free of Vin? Of his invading her every thought? How
long before she could regain some semblance of control and normalcy?
Releasing
a sigh, she looked at the sky. The sun was low and she knew she should get back
to the hotel. A single woman walking the streets of a strange city alone after
dark was just asking for trouble.
Turning to
head back down the path, her steps faltered and stilled as she tried to deny
what her eyes were telling her. There, standing at the end of the bridge, stood
the man who had become her world, her every waking thought and the invader of
her dreams. There, standing still, meeting her eyes with his own intense blue
ones, stood the man who with one smile had shattered her heart. There,
standing, waiting for her, stood the one man she had thought she never wanted
to see again. There, standing, eyes begging for a chance to explain, stood the
man whose presence sent a shaft piercing her more painfully than any spear or
bullet could.
"Vin,"
she identified in an anguished whisper.
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